New Bodies For Old!

     OK, you're gonna have to help me with the math on this one.  Exactly how many 'other fellows' does it take to make a 'new man?'

     You know, on more than one occasion my body has been described as "skinny, pepless and second rate."   I've always dreamed of having "handsome, bulging" muscles, but perhaps not enough to have myself crammed so full of them that my friends eyes bug out.  But hey, that's just me.

The Space-Boomerang Trap: The Flash #124 (1961), part 1

     In the interest of full disclosure, I should start this post out by saying: I've never really cared about Barry Allen.  There, I said it.  I feel better.  I was just seriously getting into comics when he heroically gave his life in Crisis on Infinite Earths, and by the time I got around to actually reading a Flash book, Wally West was the Crimson Comet.
     Even in Wally's book, Barry Allen was a huge presence in nearly every issue, mostly because Wally wouldn't shut up about him.  And, comics being what they are, Barry put in several guest appearances himself, apparently unconcerned with the fact that he was dead at the time.
     Still, for being the first true Silver Age character, I had read very little Barry Allen, apart from some Justice League stories or maybe a Brave and the Bold team-up, perhaps. I decided to grab some Barry Allen stories totally at random to see what all the fuss was about.  From 1961's The Flash #124, John Broome and Carmine Infantino bring us....

     From the cover alone, the story immediately gets bonus points for including one of my favorite underrated characters of all time: Ralph Dibny, the Elongated Man. I've never quite forgiven DC for Ralph's ultimate fate, but I think I'm even more angry at them for not putting Ralph and Sue into that long-awaited Ghost Detectives title.

     Our story opens with Ralph reading a letter from his old pal, the Flash.  Captain Boomerang, the most...Australian of Flash's foes has just been released from prison for good behavior.

     Even though the Captain has paid his debt to society, the Flash is wary of some "boomerang-type" buffoonery to pop up at any minute.  Hoping to catch him in the act of thievery, Flash speeds over to an exhibition of the Crown Jewels of Normark, only to find...

     And while it is true there is no law against wearing the costume of a known super-villain, especially if you are that super-villain, you can't really get mad at people if they eye you suspiciously.  I mean, come on...

     As Flash keeps Captain Boomerang under surveillance...

     ...a boomerang zooms in, snatches up the jewels, and zooms out the window!  In the historical interest of updating these comics for a more modern age, Barry's Comics Code Approved exclamation of "Good Gosh" would translate today as "Holy Shit!"  Hey, the more you know...

     So the jewels have been stolen by a boomerang, and the main suspect--Captain Boomerang--was in Flash's eyesight the whole time.  This sure is some mystery, and since Flash--who is actually Barry Allen, you know, a police scientist--can't make head nor tails of it, he jots a letter off to his buddy, Ralph Dibny, a detective well known for his...stretching abilities.

     Now that we have the set-up, we'll bring the first installment to a close.  Be sure to tune in next time to find out the riddle behind...The Space-Boomerang Trap!    
    

The Myth of the Man of Steel...will shock you!

     With Man of Steel landing in theaters this weekend, it's easy to get caught up in the myth of Superman.  The myth, of course, being that Supes was a nice guy.  He was not.  He was a straight up thug.

      Cold blooded, bare handed justice.  Sure, he looks like he feels bad about it, but who knows?

      Superman's about eight seconds away from melting this girl into sludge with his heat vision.

      He even killed the woman he said he loved, Lois Lane.  Huzzah for that guilty conscience, right?

      Even his "wardrobe malfunctions" were deadly as his suit went out of control and killed Perry and...Lois, again.

      Well, now he's just showing off. 

     "Please don't, Superman! You've never killed anyone!" wink wink...

     So, when you're all flocking in droves to see Superman on the big screen this weekend, just remember...it's only a movie.  The real story is...much darker.  

COMING SOON: Season 2 of FOUR COLOR CULT

     Just when you thought it was safe for those darn comics, FOUR COLOR CULT zooms in with the news that a second season is forthcoming! Yes, dear Cultists, hang on to your prayer books and wait, we'll be back before you know it!

"Breeze Through" Any Auto Repair Job

     With this book, you can repair any part from any car, quickly and easily.  Were cars really that simple, that it could all be covered in one book, even a very large book?  I wonder if anybody bought this book and opened a mechanic shop, based solely on what they could learn from its pages?  Before imported cars became more prominent, I suppose one engine was the same as another, regardless of its manufacturer.
     I noticed it didn't list the Tucker as a car covered by the book  If you came across one of those, you'd just be out of luck.      

You Are Under The Spell of Ka-Bala, The Mystic One

 

 

     The moment is tense as you place your hands on the mysterious board.  Yes, Ka-Bala sees all and tells all.  Armed with the secrets of your future, the ever searching eye of Zohar watches your every move as you take a deep breath and ask your question.  With the all-seeing knowledge of Ka-Bala you are mere seconds away from learning your destiny.  And you want to know....if you'll ever pitch a winning game? Even though Ka-Bala considers that a bullshit question, he answers you anyway.   
     Your partner, however, decides to ask a better (if not hopelessly vague) question: "What will my future be?"  The 'taro' card spells it out plain as day: "A happy marriage with children--material wealth!"  Your partner lets out an uncontrollable  "Whee!"
     Isn't messing with unknown mystical forces fun?

     If Ka-Bala is truly as all-seeing and all-knowing as advertised, why didn't he tell Madonna to stay away from Shanghai Surprise?

STAR TREK WEEK: The Final Post

    Well, this is the last day of STAR TREK WEEK.  Since STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS opens today, I thought I'd end the week on a quiet note and show an ad for the very first Star Trek movie.  This ad may be more exciting than the movie itself.
     I know I trash The Motion Picture a lot, but I really do like the film.  I just thought it took itself a bit too seriously.

     Anyway, thanks for hanging with the Cult all week and go see STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS!

Join us again next week as we go back to talking about non Star Trek comics.